I’m writing this to you on the 10 monthaversery of my operation.
I’ve spent a lot of that 10 months being sad, depressed, tired, lonely, anxious, upset, scared and tired (again).
I am progressing apparently, but from my perspective here in the twilight zone of recovery I’m standing still.
I keep hoping that I’ll have my ‘lightbulb’ moment and wake up tomorrow feeling normal and energised and happy. But then did I ever feel like that anyway? Does ANYONE feel like that?
I said to himself yesterday that it feels like I’m not in real life, that life is happening to everyone else outside the window and I’m in some weird state of suspended animation existing alongside the real world.
I keep writing things down, keep talking about things and it isn’t making it go away any quicker, it just keeps the demons at bay a bit and makes each boring day a bit more bearable. I’ll tell you the truth. my day is boring, I do nothing. I sit around and watch things because watching things is the only thing that doesn’t make me a) tired b) panic c) frustrated or d) all of the above.
I don’t mean that I watch things in a stalker at the window kind of way
|Me and my mad hair staring out the neighbours|