Greetings to you all from my bed, the wind is howling outside, Agent Cooper is snoring like a little piglet at my feet and I’m bored out of my tiny mind.
I’m sat here as another wave of relapse washes over me, one that I was getting warnings for in the shape of dizziness and emotional deregulation but ignored because, well, I thought I was done with all that by now.
I managed to navigate the festive period without too much stress. Whenever anyone asks me what I’m doing for Yule I always say “something nice and quiet”. I can’t stand the fanfare of that time of year, the noise, the rush, the pressure. It’s just not me, I never really enjoyed it pre brain damage. As for New Years Eve I was asleep by 10pm. Rock and roll eh? I find New Year problematic because it’s a time when the slate is wiped clean and we all act like this is the year where everything changes….except it doesn’t.
It’s funny because I’m actually a very optimistic person but I’m also a realist. I know my 2020 is going to look a lot like my 2019. Gone are the heady days of my youth where it was all exciting. In fact most of our 2020’s are just 2019 rebooted. Of course it’s nice to plan change and look forward to adventure but sometimes with the society we live in it can feel like pushing against a very big, very solid wall.
I do try to not let political shenanigans infringe on my life, we know it’s all panto right? It’s best not to rely on those in ‘power’ to make things better. I mean as if Politicians are going to sort your life out. But when people all around are losing hope, what the eff is midnight on December 31st going to miraculously do?
Anyway, I didn’t want to depress you all. I suppose I’m saying this time of year as the muggles celebrate it is not for me. I much prefer honouring the Winter Solstice, the return of the sun and more importantly the return of HOPE. We made it. We will see the long days of Summer again. Those days of sweet breezes blowing through the heat. The abundance of colour and life. I do romanticise Summer but isn’t it great to have this nugget of excitement stirring.
Mr Braingirl and I have plans this Summer to do a driving tour of Ireland (please please please let me have the energy). We want to find those little hidden places and ancestral landscapes. We want to seek forgotten standing stones with stories to tell and peek into fairy raths. Now that’s worth smiling about.
So even though it seems like it, not everything is shit. Maybe tuning our eyes and ears a little more into the good stuff helps create positive change.
Myself and Mr Braingirl do small things, we don’t have much but what we have we share when we can and I think that’s the important thing here. It’s about getting stuck in at the grassroots, lending a hand or an ear or a vegan sausage roll when it’s needed and spreading a little bit of love and joy.
Let me know what is worth smiling about for you.